Marissa Ann Napier was a high school student at Highline High School. She was 15 years old and had tried marijuana and LSD before. She had a lot of friends and was an active person. She baby sat for her neighbors. She was very well liked in her school. She was at a party one night and she tried MDMA also known as ecstasy for the first time. After a few hours she started to go into convulsions. She was brought into the hospital and was in a coma for a little over a day. She never recovered from the coma, Marissa died from anoxic encephalopathy. Her brain was not getting enough oxygen due to the MDMA intoxication. Death from MDMA intoxication is rare but in does happen. The death rate is going to keep growing because the rate of use is also growing. If kids are not aware of the effects and what the consequences can be, the deaths are going to keep going up.
Wha can be added to make longer. Is it interesting enough?
4 comments:
It's a really good start with that story. It is very interesting for the reader to read. I would limit starting the sentences with she so much and vary the beginnings. You should talk more about how people are getting access to it and what can be done to stop the use of it.
I think that this is a very intersting story and a great way to talk about your topic. It lets the reader know that this is something very seroius , that could lead to death and makes the reader what to learn more about it.
Mike, I think this is interesting and the tragic story of the girl dying is quite powerful and catchy. You might consider rewriting the first few sentences, using some of the combining strategies we practiced earlier in the semester. Add some variety to your sentences.
You might also consider using the story of Marissa to help make your warning at the end of the intro stronger, something like "...consequences can be, deaths like Marissa's will keep happening" or something along those lines.
I think it is a great start, but agree with Zack that the sentence structre should be changed. But none the less it is an interesting topic witha an interesting start.
Post a Comment